The Curse of a Powerful Voice

You've probably heard me complain about Evan's scream. I've even said that his scream ruined it for me having another baby. Yes, I admit it. I said that.
I also said in the middle of the night, "That's it! I can't take it anymore! Stop screaming!" And when people look at him and say, "Oh what a cute baby." I say, "Yeah, but he screams a lot."

Today, while I was making his bottle, his pacifier fell out of his mouth. I looked over at him, went to put it back in and before I could, "WAAAA!" It sent shivers down my spine it was so unnecessarily loud. It was the type of scream you'd use if you slammed your finger in a drawer.

It was like my life flashed before my eyes, I remembered people telling me to stop screaming, hushing me and telling me that my voice is too loud. Oh my god, did he get this from me?
Indeed. He inherited that scream from me. My voice has always been a sensitive subject. I've blogged about hurt feelings regarding my voice a time or two before. In fact, it was the subject of my very first blog many years ago. Here's an excerpt...

I speak in a matter that is comfortable and natural to me. I am a woman with her own insecurities, the last thing I need is someone telling me, a grown woman, to "use her inside voice".

I am quite aware that my voice carries long distances and has a high pitch. I have absolutely no reason to have to "control" my voice. It's mine, god gave it to me and if you are dissatisfied with it, fine. But it is simply mean and rude to bring it to my attention, especially when I'm in the middle of speaking a sentence or relaying information, especially in front of other people.

Sometimes I think that the type of people that do this to me are jealous of the fact my voice commands attention. Without ever trying I "over power" my superiors with less strength than a whisper.

I am not sorry that you find the way I speak irritating.

I will continue to be myself, like it or not... Thank you.

That expert was from a blog I wrote back in 2005 because my boss embarrassed me in front of customers when she told me to use my "inside voice" while I was taking an order. She took me to the side to let me know that the sound of my voice grated on her nerves and to be careful not to talk to loud when she's around. It hurt my feelings pretty bad.

I've since worked on using a fake inside voice, but sometimes when I get excited my natural voice comes back and I get hushed like I'm a little kid. It makes me mad, even still.
My darling son inherited my curse. The curse of a powerful voice. Knowing that makes me forgive him, he can't help it. Now I just need to teach him how to use his voice for good, instead of evil.