Scam Spam- Work From Home!

*Hey Scammer!  If you're going to try to scam me, at the very least, could you use proper English?  I love this work-from-home scam I got today.  It reminds me of the porno spams my husband used to get in his email. *

Dear Mr. / Mrs, 

We want you to pay your attention to this. It is a job offer sent to you by one of the international escrow service company. We have more than 20 countries worldwide working with us at the moment- enterprises, business groups or individuals.And even there is an economic recession nowadays, (No, really? A recession? I didn't know.) we are opening new subsidiaries and entering new markets.

Your candidacy was selected by our online recruiting department specialists. Your personal profile was chosen from thousands of curriculum vitae resumes at job seeking web portals, your characteristics must be suitable for the position we want to offer you. So if you are in search of the position right now, we are happy to provide it. 

Below is the basic information about MS incorporated enterprise.

MS Inc was based in 2004 as a group of businessmen in Poland. (Wait, are you sure it's not Nigeria?) The first activity we performed was assistance for the clients who were purchasing/exchanging/selling different types of digital currencies such as eGold, eBullion, MoneyBookes, Liberty Reserve.And we have reached the serious progress for the reason of high-quality service, comfortable prices and highly developed online support system. (This next part is a doosey!) The customers we work with are served with the most efficient way: their investments are handled with the safest and accurate method; they always get a quick result and save their own money and time as we keep all the expenditures at maximum low level and we keep the quality of service at maximum high level.

MS inc has recently entered US and UK country markets, that is why we are searching for hard-working, reliable and motivatedpeople to become our employees. This must be energetic, communicative and punctual person. A person who can be trusted, who is disciplined and who can take care of his/her own career. 

The general requirements for the position are: to be legally trouble free and have a clean record, to have a personal and working cell phone, to be computer skilled as a intermediate user, to have an internet access during the working hours, to be disciplined, attentive and responsible. 

The benefits we provide to the employees are:

-Fixed basic salary with many comfortable ways of payment

-The opportunity of working from home

-Flexible schedules

-Worthy bonuses depending on the profit we make together

-We provide the most modern communication devices to all our employees (Apple

iPhone 3G/Blackberry devices, Macbook PRO/Sony VAIO laptops) after the first

and second trial month of working together

-2 weeks paid vacation twice a year  (sounds too good to be true!)

-Company covers all taxes; employee receives an invoice declaring his/her

income 

Please, remember that there are no investments from your side to start, MS Inc does not run businesses with suspicious partners, we do not operate checks or money orders, we have a strong security system that helps to protect our customers and employees. It is a chance for you. You can join successful, hard-working and perspective collective right now. The number of the positions is limited, so we are waiting for your response as soon as possible for you. We would really appreciate to have you in our team. Please, email us at: msincrd@gmail.com

We are looking forward to start our cooperation,

Best Regards,  

(A former Nigerian Prince turned legitimate business man)

Oh Evan, night time is for sleeping.

Evan woke us up at 2:00 am last night.  He wanted to "talk".  I got up with him so Joe wouldn't have to.  He kept me up for about an hour and a half.

The funny thing is, I was mad because Evan woke me up from a dream where I was about to win an award on the Food Network, because I created the world's best pasta sauce recipe.  I had to find out what was in the recipe so I could make it in real life.  I tried so hard not to wake up.

When I got out of bed, I stepped on Evan's rattle, hurting my foot.  Then, because it was dark, I tripped over the vacuum cleaner!  I screamed so loud I probably woke up neighbors.

What a night!  Oh Evan, don't you know, night time is for sleeping?  

     I'm feeling very fortunate that my boys are not Autistic. If parenting wasn't hard enough, being the parent to a special needs child is something so consuming, it takes someone very strong, patient, and courageous. These parents are highly regarded in my opinion. I both respect and admire them. 

     Is it just me though, or does it seem there are a lot more Autistic youngsters today than there were back in the day? ("The day" just happens to be between 1980-2000) 

     I don't remember going to school with anyone who said, "Excuse me, I'm Autistic".  Everyone back in my day had ADD.  Then it was ADHD.  When you were rude or being annoying, it wasn't your fault, you had ADHD.  Then you'd get the, "Oh, you poor thing."  

     Then, briefly, it was, "Pardon my outburst, I'm Bi Polar". 

     It seems everyone you know now has at least one kid with Autism, or they're assumed to have the milder form of Autism, like Asperger's disorder. 

"Oh, he's not getting along with other kids? Is it Asperger's? Because he's so smart and there's no other legitimate reason, you're a good parent."

     I'd have to think, "Did I teach him social skills? Is he picking boogers in class? Did I ever teach him not to do that?"  I’d have to consider other possibilities before I jumped to Autism.

     Now, I'm not suggesting Autism doesn't exist. Clearly it does, I've seen Rainman a hundred times. I even have a step brother that lives in a care facility because he has Autism. The real, ‘can't take care of yourself’ form. There are several forms of Autism. 

 Classic autism: the most severe, and best understood, of the autism spectrum disorders. People with classic autism have trouble interacting with other people and often make repeated, robotic movements. Developmental delays are common.

 Asperger syndrome: language develops normally. IQ is generally average or above, typically with uneven abilities.

 Disintegrative disorder: marked by normal early development, followed by worsening abilities in language, social interactions and everyday functioning.

 Rett disorder: a rare genetic disorder caused by a defect in a single gene. Unlike other forms of autism Rett disorder affects more girls than boys.

 Autism spectrum disorder not otherwise specified: The catch-all category. People with PDD have the three classic features of autism but don't fit the other subtypes. Includes high-functioning autism.

     When it comes to this epidemic, I'm more inclined to believe it's not so much nature as it is nurture. It's been reported some towns have much higher rates of diagnosed children than others. Which makes you think, Is it in the water? Maybe it is. Or maybe, it's a 'trendy' thing to do. It may sound terrible, but maybe Autism's the new 'it' desease. 

     If you live in a town where so many kids are affected, and yours isn't, you may be outside the loop.  When you're at the park with the other moms, they'll be talking about little Austin's behavioral problems or how Sarah's misunderstood and Madison's eccentricities; Tyler's physician is really nice, Emily's exceptionally bright for having Autistim...

     You wouldn't want to be left out of the club.  You'd have to explain that your kid has temper tantrums and they aren't related to any disorder.  Your kid chews of the corner of the table and isn't Autistic, he just like the taste of tables. Gosh, that would make you look like a terrible parent.

     I remember when ADD and ADHD were the 'it' diagnoses. The line at the nurse’s office to take your meds at lunch seemed to get longer and longer as more and more kids were deemed 'ADD'.  It's true; I did improve drastically on medication.  I got better grades and teachers hated me less.  I'm, personally, still being medicated for the disorder. Now it's Adult ADD and whether or not I truly have this disorder is unclear.  All I do know is, I feel better medicated than not. 

     I wonder if Autism is a parent's desire to have a label on their kids.  I wonder if it's an excuse for a lack of parenting.  I wonder if it's a trendy diagnoses.  I wonder how many kids are misdiagnosed.  I wonder how this is going to affect my son's generation when they're adults. 

     I'm glad neither of my children are displaying signs of Autism. Trevor also doesn’t have ADD or ADHD. I'm thankful for that as well.  Maybe I'm lucky.  Or maybe I'm just not peer-presured to be in the club.  Who knows?

     I would like to see a cultural study performed of this subject.  I'd also like to see if my generation has adverse results due to our diagnoses for attention disorders.  Like, how we're adjusted as adults and if there is a higher rate of substance abuse among the medicated children compared to those who were not.

PISSED!

.... Grrrr.

Who says SAHM's watch soap operas all day?

Not much soap opera watching for me. However, I do watch Barefoot Contessa while I'm feeding Evan.

Today I: 

• Cleaned the toilets.
  
• Baked a two layer rainbow sprinkle cake with orange flavored frosting dusted with orange zest.
  
• Tended to the constant demands of a teething 4 month old.
  
• Cleaned up after Trevor's mess with the Bath & Body Works Wallflower. 1
  
• Did the dishes twice
• Changed the nastiest of all diapers in the history of babies. 2

1 Long Story. Let's just say he was curious of how it worked and decided to investigate, which lead to potpourri being smeared all over our walls.

2 He had what looked like camouflage colored mud smeared up his back. It took 12 wipes to clean it up.

Just Let It Go

I can't sleep. I've always had this problem. I think the reason why so many people become alcoholics and drug addicts, is to help them sleep bad memories away. I'm haunted by the memories of neglect. My mom and Dad abandoned me on several occasions and bad things occurred as a result.

I've never been able to talk about any of the countless events that trouble me. My mother in law, wonderful as she is, suggested a counselor. The lady helped her sister a great deal and maybe I should give her a try. One problem, she charges $60 an hour. No thanks, I'll figure it out myself.

One of the things my dear husband suggested is, "Just let it go." It makes me laugh to think he calls this a legitimate solution. Here's how I imagine a therapy visit going in Dr. Joe's office...

Joe: So Jeri, what's wrong?

Jeri: Eh, I'm haunted by memories of abuse and I can't sleep.

Joe: Have you ever considered letting it go?

Jeri: What's that?

Joe: Letting it go. You know, just forgetting about it?

Jeri: Jeez, I never thought about that. How does it work?

Joe: You just let it go.

Jeri: OK, here I go. Letting it go now...

Joe: How do you feel?

Jeri: I'm cured! Thanks Doc!

I think what triggered it this time is a visit from my dad. We needed some work done on our property and he offered to help. Knowing my dad, I wasn't sure if he had an alternative motive or not. He did. He offered to help, and give me a great deal on the cost of labor. Basically, my dad would come out and help, but for a fee. He was going to make money off of us.

That hurt my feelings, but I didn't want to talk about it. I just figured I would just let it go. But as I lay down to sleep, thoughts resurface, like, When he dropped me off at my mom's without saying why and didn't comeback.

I can't talk to dad about it. He has a warped memory of the way he fathered me. He'd tell people how he raised his daughter by himself so people would commend him, when in reality, television, brothers and neighbors raised me. I hardly remember my dad being around. When he was there, he was mean to me. I still do not know why he kicked me out when I was 11. He came into my room and said, That's it. I can't take it anymore. Pack your shit. I'm taking you to your mother's.

I thought he was bluffing. He had told me to pack my shit several times that month and he would apologize after I'd pack up my whole room, crying. I didn't cry this time. I didn't even pack. I didn't want to have to unpack. I pretended to pack while lazily throwing clothes into a garbage bag.

He asked if I was done and told me to get in the truck. This didn't even scare me because we'd made it to this point before as well. We'd get half way to my mom's and he'd pull over, cry and tell me he was sorry. He'd turn around and I'd unpack, he'd act like every thing was back to normal.

As we approached the half way point, I started to worry. He kept going. We did in fact make it to my mothers camper. My mother, who was "homeless" at the time, lived in a camper trailer in the back parking area of the bar where she worked. I thought for sure that he wouldn't really leave me here. He wouldn't, right? She's unfit to parent. She's homeless for god's sake.

He said, go tell your mom you're here. I took my garbage bag with the few clothes I grabbed...
...and he drove away.

The next couple of years were the hardest for me as I knew I was responsible for myself. I was like an adult who had no authority. I made my own decisions, bought my own clothes and cooked my own food. When I think back to some of the decisions I made I think, damn, that was bad move. But then I think, what were my options, really? And, why didn't I have someone looking after me?

Then I remember some of the abuse that happened as a result of "living with" my mother. I can't blame her for some things. I feel she is incompetent and therefore can't be held responsible. She drank away her ability to think straight and did the best an alcoholic could do. I blame anyone who knew I was with her and didn't intervene.

My mom did what her parents did to her. Neglected and abused. In her mind, she was doing what she was taught, God forbid she break the chain. It reminds me of a story my mom told me one night when she was in a drunken reminiscent mood... She told me that her mom had to leave the state to attend a family member's funeral. There were six children, one was a baby, who went with grandma, the others were left with Grandpa.

Grandpa was a raging alcoholic who hit his kids. Well, while grandma was away, the state stepped in and took all five kids. Mom and her siblings were placed in foster homes. She told me how the foster parents told her that if she didn't behave, they'd put her in the basement with the rats.

She told me how grandpa would hit her, grandma and all the kids. She told me grandpa would say, Come here, ugly. How grandpa wouldn't allow pictures to be taken of my mom because she was too ugly to be his daughter.

As horrible as this was to my mom, she couldn't see that raising me was her opportunity to end the cycle of abuse and teach her child that you can overcome the adversity and become a productive member of society. But the alcohol got the best of her.

She did exactly as her father did to her. She would tell me how ugly I was. She'd tell me that boys don't like fat girls . How I'd better find a man with money to love me because I was too stupid to take care of myself. She told me that I looked like a whore for wearing too much make up and accused me of trying to steal her boyfriend. She would leave me in an apartment for months at a time "checking on me" occasionally.

The fact is, you can't just let it go. You need answers. You need someone to own up to their wrongdoings and apologize. You need closure.

There are hundreds of scenarios that play out in my mind. I replay these painful memories every night like a bad movie. The memories are so vivid that it's as if I'm reliving them. I eventually sleep, sometimes crying, sometimes not. I feel that if it goes on much longer, I'll eventually lose my mind.

It's happened before. I've become so sleepless, I've needed medication and become what some would refer to as a "crazy person". I've been diagnosed with anxiety, manic depression and ADD. Whether or not I really have these diseases is unclear. What is certain however, is the fact I need help. Soon.

The Curse of a Powerful Voice

You've probably heard me complain about Evan's scream. I've even said that his scream ruined it for me having another baby. Yes, I admit it. I said that.
I also said in the middle of the night, "That's it! I can't take it anymore! Stop screaming!" And when people look at him and say, "Oh what a cute baby." I say, "Yeah, but he screams a lot."

Today, while I was making his bottle, his pacifier fell out of his mouth. I looked over at him, went to put it back in and before I could, "WAAAA!" It sent shivers down my spine it was so unnecessarily loud. It was the type of scream you'd use if you slammed your finger in a drawer.

It was like my life flashed before my eyes, I remembered people telling me to stop screaming, hushing me and telling me that my voice is too loud. Oh my god, did he get this from me?
Indeed. He inherited that scream from me. My voice has always been a sensitive subject. I've blogged about hurt feelings regarding my voice a time or two before. In fact, it was the subject of my very first blog many years ago. Here's an excerpt...

I speak in a matter that is comfortable and natural to me. I am a woman with her own insecurities, the last thing I need is someone telling me, a grown woman, to "use her inside voice".

I am quite aware that my voice carries long distances and has a high pitch. I have absolutely no reason to have to "control" my voice. It's mine, god gave it to me and if you are dissatisfied with it, fine. But it is simply mean and rude to bring it to my attention, especially when I'm in the middle of speaking a sentence or relaying information, especially in front of other people.

Sometimes I think that the type of people that do this to me are jealous of the fact my voice commands attention. Without ever trying I "over power" my superiors with less strength than a whisper.

I am not sorry that you find the way I speak irritating.

I will continue to be myself, like it or not... Thank you.

That expert was from a blog I wrote back in 2005 because my boss embarrassed me in front of customers when she told me to use my "inside voice" while I was taking an order. She took me to the side to let me know that the sound of my voice grated on her nerves and to be careful not to talk to loud when she's around. It hurt my feelings pretty bad.

I've since worked on using a fake inside voice, but sometimes when I get excited my natural voice comes back and I get hushed like I'm a little kid. It makes me mad, even still.
My darling son inherited my curse. The curse of a powerful voice. Knowing that makes me forgive him, he can't help it. Now I just need to teach him how to use his voice for good, instead of evil.

What's My Favorite Thing?

Why, taking pictures of my baby, of course!

Above: My chubby Boy

Above: My 2 Favorite Bald Guys

Above: Naked As a Jay Bird

Joe's Got Good Taste

We bought our kitchen table. I can't wait to see it in my house. Joe picked it out. I think he's got impeccable taste. I love love love world market.

Dear Family, I'm Sorry.

I went to the doctor today for my 6 week check up. Got my pap smear, got my breast exam. Got on the scale, 164 lbs.

What?! I've gained weight since the birth? Ack! You're kidding me!

I guess I'm too used to eating for two. I'm really going to have to go back to my old ways. Counting all my calories, keeping a food log and dealing with a rumbling belly. I have 50 pounds to lose. That's my goal. I'm going to be skipping meals and doing a liquid diet. The last time I did this diet it worked very well. Unfortunately, I owe cigarettes most of the credit.

I think I'm going to do the coffee, tea, soup, wine and veggie diet. I need to shrink my stomach and make myself think I'm full, even if I'm not. I remember the last time I did this diet; I was pretty darn grumpy. My ex and I fought quite a bit.

I hope my family will see me through this hard time and forgive me for my moodiness, should it happen.

Dear Family,

I'm sorry. I'm over weight and I can't stand it anymore. I'm going to do a radical diet these next few weeks. This will make me very cranky and I might not be very nice. I apologize in advance for my bad moods.

Sincerely,
Your mom and wife

The Dirty Side of Motherhood

Sure, everybody knows you get stretch marks and extra flab, but there's a bunch of other side effects to having a baby that no body tells you about. Some I've come to realize:

Big Blue Boob Veins - The very prominent blue veins across my chest are horrifying. But I hear the bigger and bluer the veins, the better it is for baby. The veins get darker because your blood is circulating for lactation. Knowing that doesn't make them any less scary.

Dry Vagina - The hormonal changes that effect your sex drive aren't all mood and body image related; The hormonal changes also cause a dry vagina. Even if you do manage to get in the mood, doing the deed is uncomfortable to say the least.

Tooth Loss - The old wives tale "for every child the mother loses a tooth" has some validity. Pregnancy can make women prone to gingivitis. Repeated pregnancies are likely to result in more frequent outbreaks of gingivitis that may lead to tooth loss. My own teeth suffered a lot this last pregnancy, having had many a tooth ache and a couple extractions.

Maybe there's a good reason why nobody tells you about these things. There'd be a lot less babies in the world.